Category: Uncategorized

• pb

  I love you already.

  September 6, 2022

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• the luxury of a Marlboro menthol cigarette.

  I’ve been smoking Lucky Strikes for weeks because they’re cheap and I’m dirt floor poor in this season of my life.

  This Marlboro black menthol 100 feels absolutely fucking luxurious. I savor each and every drag and exhale slowly, watch the smoke trail away, little wisps in the air.

  I shouldn’t have bought them. They’re two dollars more per pack, and that starts hurting quick when you’re a pack (and some change) a day smoker. But goddamn I just wanted to feel Not Poor for a few minutes.

  I sit on my front porch and I stub out the cigarette and immediately light another, and for a few moments I am the richest person on earth.

  (Disclaimer: I’m very aware that cigarettes are terrible for humans and that I’m having a moment and romanticizing my crippling nicotine addiction.)

  September 3, 2022

  ad for Marlboros I guess, addiction, nicotine, prose, smoking is gross

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• keto

  starts tomorrow-o.

  I’m going to be posting recipes so I can keep up with them; I’ve already found a couple that sound great and don’t seem too difficult (my skill level in the kitchen is sitting at about zero).

  I’m looking forward to it.

  September 3, 2022

  diet, health, keto, keto diet, low carb, weight loss

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• for her.

  I stay sober for the woman who was afraid to die but too scared to live.

  For the woman who never thought she’d amount to anything more than drunken wasted potential.

  For the woman who clawed her way through hell to ask for help.

  For the woman who saved her own life for one more chance.

  September 3, 2022

  addiction, alcoholism, Recovery, sobriety

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• 9.2.22

  

  

  

  

  September 3, 2022

  boyfriend, friends, me, photos, picture post, pictures, selfie

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• still here

  and still sober.

  I don’t have much else to say right now, but I’ll be back when I’m feeling a little more eloquent.

  September 1, 2022

  Recovery, sobriety

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• Food stamps

  That’s what I’m grateful for today. My EBT card.

  I’m fresh out of rehab, been focusing on my recovery, and as a result am pretty broke at the moment.

  I wish I didn’t feel the need to follow up with the fact that I have several interviews lined up this week and will be gainfully employed shortly, but that shame is engrained in me.

  Grateful to have a way to buy food for my household and grateful to be actively working towards bettering myself every day.

  August 23, 2022

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• revelations.

  I take myself too damn seriously. I need to lighten up.

  August 18, 2022

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• reflections.

  There was something unnerving about the way I reveled in my pain.

  Alcohol allowed me to reside there permanently.

  August 16, 2022

  addiction, alcohol, alcoholism, pain, Recovery, reflections, sobriety, trauma

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• 2:27am, August 15th, 1989

  A cute lil baby (me) entered this world & was immediately rushed into surgery.

  Over the next couple years I would have several more surgeries, bouncing back from each one quicker than the one before. I was so resilient back then. Sometimes I beat myself up for losing that resiliency along the way.

  But did I really? Unless I stumble into some unfortunate death over the weekend, I’ll turn 33 on Monday, despite the chronic alcoholism, drug abuse, & the early twenties anorexia that I’ve put my body through.

  I guess I’m still pretty damn resilient. And I’m so fucking grateful for the body that got me here.

  Cheers to me.

  August 12, 2022

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