I too am not a bit tamed—I too am untranslatable

what to expect when you’re expecting

I surely don’t have a clue. But I sure am thrilled to be on this journey.

Lil Pea Brain. Due May 2023.

September 9, 2022

pregnancy, pregnant
pb

I love you already.

September 6, 2022
the luxury of a Marlboro menthol cigarette.

I’ve been smoking Lucky Strikes for weeks because they’re cheap and I’m dirt floor poor in this season of my life.

This Marlboro black menthol 100 feels absolutely fucking luxurious. I savor each and every drag and exhale slowly, watch the smoke trail away, little wisps in the air.

I shouldn’t have bought them. They’re two dollars more per pack, and that starts hurting quick when you’re a pack (and some change) a day smoker. But goddamn I just wanted to feel Not Poor for a few minutes.

I sit on my front porch and I stub out the cigarette and immediately light another, and for a few moments I am the richest person on earth.

(Disclaimer: I’m very aware that cigarettes are terrible for humans and that I’m having a moment and romanticizing my crippling nicotine addiction.)

September 3, 2022

ad for Marlboros I guess, addiction, nicotine, prose, smoking is gross
keto

starts tomorrow-o.

I’m going to be posting recipes so I can keep up with them; I’ve already found a couple that sound great and don’t seem too difficult (my skill level in the kitchen is sitting at about zero).

I’m looking forward to it.

September 3, 2022

diet, health, keto, keto diet, low carb, weight loss
for her.

I stay sober for the woman who was afraid to die but too scared to live.

For the woman who never thought she’d amount to anything more than drunken wasted potential.

For the woman who clawed her way through hell to ask for help.

For the woman who saved her own life for one more chance.

September 3, 2022

addiction, alcoholism, Recovery, sobriety
9.2.22

September 3, 2022

boyfriend, friends, me, photos, picture post, pictures, selfie
still here

and still sober.

I don’t have much else to say right now, but I’ll be back when I’m feeling a little more eloquent.

September 1, 2022

Recovery, sobriety
Food stamps

That’s what I’m grateful for today. My EBT card.

I’m fresh out of rehab, been focusing on my recovery, and as a result am pretty broke at the moment.

I wish I didn’t feel the need to follow up with the fact that I have several interviews lined up this week and will be gainfully employed shortly, but that shame is engrained in me.

Grateful to have a way to buy food for my household and grateful to be actively working towards bettering myself every day.

August 23, 2022
revelations.

I take myself too damn seriously. I need to lighten up.

August 18, 2022
reflections.

There was something unnerving about the way I reveled in my pain.

Alcohol allowed me to reside there permanently.

August 16, 2022

addiction, alcohol, alcoholism, pain, Recovery, reflections, sobriety, trauma