I too am not a bit tamed—I too am untranslatable

Blog

  • I feel like I’m losing my ability to write.

    The words don’t flow as easily as they used to, they just clunk around on the screen or the paper like they have no business being there.

  • 100 days sober!!!!!

    That’s it, that’s my whole post. Yay

  • what to expect when you’re expecting

    I surely don’t have a clue. But I sure am thrilled to be on this journey.

    Lil Pea Brain. Due May 2023.

  • pb

    I love you already.

  • the luxury of a Marlboro menthol cigarette.

    I’ve been smoking Lucky Strikes for weeks because they’re cheap and I’m dirt floor poor in this season of my life.

    This Marlboro black menthol 100 feels absolutely fucking luxurious. I savor each and every drag and exhale slowly, watch the smoke trail away, little wisps in the air.

    I shouldn’t have bought them. They’re two dollars more per pack, and that starts hurting quick when you’re a pack (and some change) a day smoker. But goddamn I just wanted to feel Not Poor for a few minutes.

    I sit on my front porch and I stub out the cigarette and immediately light another, and for a few moments I am the richest person on earth.

    (Disclaimer: I’m very aware that cigarettes are terrible for humans and that I’m having a moment and romanticizing my crippling nicotine addiction.)

  • keto

    starts tomorrow-o.

    I’m going to be posting recipes so I can keep up with them; I’ve already found a couple that sound great and don’t seem too difficult (my skill level in the kitchen is sitting at about zero).

    I’m looking forward to it.

  • for her.

    I stay sober for the woman who was afraid to die but too scared to live.

    For the woman who never thought she’d amount to anything more than drunken wasted potential.

    For the woman who clawed her way through hell to ask for help.

    For the woman who saved her own life for one more chance.

  • 9.2.22

  • still here

    and still sober.

    I don’t have much else to say right now, but I’ll be back when I’m feeling a little more eloquent.

  • Food stamps

    That’s what I’m grateful for today. My EBT card.

    I’m fresh out of rehab, been focusing on my recovery, and as a result am pretty broke at the moment.

    I wish I didn’t feel the need to follow up with the fact that I have several interviews lined up this week and will be gainfully employed shortly, but that shame is engrained in me.

    Grateful to have a way to buy food for my household and grateful to be actively working towards bettering myself every day.