Pinterest rabbit hole day. while half-ass cleaning up some boards to justify how long i’d been on that timesuck of a website, i found a pin i’d saved about structuring your schedule when unemployed. i laughed + laughed + laughed before remembering i am actually trying to organize my entire life. i’d love to be stable someday. i briefly remember the feeling from back in 2013 or so. ironically, i started drinking again the next year.

it always amazes me that i can be as intelligent as i am (book smarts), yet willfully ignorant of the correlation between the periods of stability + my alcohol consumption or lack of.

anyway, now that my house renovation is done + i’m transitioning back to living there, i’m going to have a lot of free time. especially since drinking was a full-time job + i took that commitment very seriously. it probably wouldn’t kill me to put a routine in place in the next few days.

historically, an unsupervised Kirsten does not do well with lack of structure + ample free time. by that i mean, she does exactly what she wants knowing damn well that it’s the exact thing she shouldn’t be doing, nor will it benefit her in any way.

the good news is, i don’t think i am that person anymore. those things i wanted to do made me feel good, or at least better than before i did them, but they consumed me + left nothing. so i’ve committed to trying something different, even if it doesn’t sound fun. god this being responsible stuff is for the birds though.