These are the strange in-between days,
a fever dream I can’t escape,
the unsettling quiet after the war.
But is it after or is it before?
Stuck in purgatory in this place.
All I ever wanted was more.
Tag: me
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“I am loved, I am not a disappointment.”
This text was from 2022 just before I checked myself into detox for alcohol. She made me cry. She took all the best parts of me with her when she died, but I’m determined to get them back. That’s what she would want for me.
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Man. Ya hit your mid-30s and the aging process really revs up its ass kicking, huh?
8 years between these two photos – 27 vs 35
Brb, off to inquire about Botox and just how many units one face can stand, slather myself in sunscreen despite it being 10pm at night, then guzzle a gallon of water before my 12-hour beauty rest.
February 12th, 2017 
May 10th, 2025
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Lizard plays dress up
I muck about in my ill-fitting skin.
I grind my jawbone into grit.
I waft and I waver, and I wait and I wait.
My scaly shoulders suffer in the thick air.
It’s putrid, even rancid; every inhale burns.
I can’t stay here.
I make it halfway down the road,
I let out a chilling scream then, and turn around.
My sandpaper tongue probes the spaces between the dentin of my teeth.
I lick the sediment from my gums and I wait and I seethe.
Oh, this alien skin.
I grimace, spitting out sawdust remnants.
The first scale has sloughed off and hangs suspended halfway down my back.
I am reptilian. I am panicking, and wishing for the grace that I lack.
A quick glance around, but I no longer care who sees.
I unzip this human suit, step out.
No, I step in. To myself. To me.
I too am not a bit tamed—I too am untranslatable 